Fisti’s God is in the Movies blogathon: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

God is done with your bulls–t, or The Heavenly Eyeroll

When Fisti first announced his blogathon, God is in the Movies, I was excited — is this my turn to talk my story about being a hardcore atheist, a confused satanist for a brief while at the age of 13, and finally becoming someone who thought religion was something really, really interesting (kudos, Supernatural with Castiel), but is .simply non-religious?

Well… no. Instead, I found Monty Python and the Holy Grail, laughed my ass off for one and a half hours and knew I have to take this post in a lighter tone. Morgan Freeman, step aside, there’s a new old kid on the block, and he’s funnier than anyone I’ve ever met.

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Divergent (2014)

Shailene Woodley Divergent badass

I’m going to be upfront: I loved the Divergent film. I ran out of the cinema to the street and felt like someone from Dauntless, running and jumping over roads. There are spoilers below, written in the colour gray. So if you haven’t seen the film, skip that paragraph. (There are some great feels involved.)

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The Host (2013)

The time has arrived.

Yep, that’s a Diet Coke cap. I fell asleep while watching it and missed about half an hour, woke up and what I saw then was so f–king ridiculous that I didn’t bother to go back where I’d dozed off at. The crazy part? I literally didn’t miss anything. I had no problems with watching on.

The concept is suprisingly unique, but the story is so lame that it doesn’t give anything The characters are bland and the events are stupid. I have no respect for it. The actors try to do something, but they’re uninspired and the visual effects, which are beautiful, are a waste on The Host.

I know this face. I wore this face for the 95 minutes I spent watching this film.

The quotes were cheesy, the final sentence was lame, but the ending credits were actually pretty awesome, with beautiful images of galaxy, Radioactive blasting loud and a gorgeous typeface. That’s the problem with this film: for every good thing, there are five awful ones. I wanted to know the story without having to read another book of Meyer’s, because I really have a problem with her bland style of writing. And I was intrigued: would they turn a book she wrote into a good film? And I got my answer: no, and that’s where I’ll leave that, and I’ll say that I enjoyed the Twilight films more — they were (often unintentionally) hilarious and eh, I had someone to show my displeasure to because I had a buddy with whom we watched all these movies.

But what bothered me most about this pile of steaming crap? The idea was a lot better than the execution — the screenplay. The visuals were much better than The Host deserved. Diane Kruger’s crying belonged into a better f–king film. If you haven’t seen it, great. Don’t watch it. The stupidity might piss you off.

Noah (2014)

If you follow me on Twitter, you know my review of Aronofsky’s newest masterpiece is going to be glowing.

Noah was glorious. I was hesitant to see it, I’d heard people saying it’s going to be bad, the religious source material (okay, the Bible) made me suspicious. Noah wasn’t defined by its source, or story, or actors, or screenplay even. It all came together, every inch of it was in perfect harmony. Aronofsky created a marvellous symbiotic film where every piece fit together, where each member of the cast fit every aspect of their character and each second the score’s volume was chosen perfectly.

Russell Crowe sings a bit, but so does Emma Watson, and the last is hauntingly beautiful, so I think even the Les Mis haters would be fine, because Crowe really gives his all as Noah, as disgusting as he is at moments, it’s impossible to not understand him. I wasn’t sure about Watson here, at first, but she and Jennifer Connelly, who played Noah’s wife, were miles ahead of the men in the film, and I often found myself speechless watching Logan Lerman, portaying Noah’s second son. The youngest son, who really reminded me of Bran from Game of Thrones, was the only one left without a storyline, but I can stand by that choice, as there was enough going on anyway, and that could’ve been pushing the line.

Did we really need Ray Winstone’s character to go that long of a way, though? It might be my gut talking, as I don’t tolerate that kind of stuff at all, but I felt like the tension was heightened to a level that high that it (1) made me physically sick and (2) started actually lowering itself. The climax of his story bordered on ridiculous for me. Maybe it’s great storytelling and I missed the mark here, but I felt like it was unnecessarily terrifying.

The visuals. Holy s–t, the visuals. When the first trailer came out, a lot of people (including yours truly) complained about the raw look of the CGI. In the months that followed, a lot of magic was worked on it, and the result is a gorgeous, enthralling, breathtaking sight all through the film. From Noah’s underwater dreams, mass scenes with Cain’s people and animals storming on the ark, it’s almost impossible to play favourites and yes, my mouth did fall open a few times and yep, I gasped for air (and clinged to my companion’s arm) a few times.

Going back to the beginning of the film, something that I most enjoyed, which came as a huge surprise to me, were the stories from the Bible. Only because of Sati’s Black Swan posts I knew to look out for hidden images (which, + the cinematography I’ll definitely make a post on when the DVD becomes available) and they were simply genius. Watch closely as people kill people.

All right, so I think I’ve mentioned everything I adored about this film. (Which was pretty much everything.) I did also love the plug for vegetarians, that was fun. Was I a minority in loving the crap out of Noah, or did you guys too? Or if you haven’t seen — are you excited?